remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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