you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
