I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
