remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
