How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
