The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
