he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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