The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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