She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
