just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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