i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
