She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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