too bad you live with your parents still
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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