I just pynch a tree in the face
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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