I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize