my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
