I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
