can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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