I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize