so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize