Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
