He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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