I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
