Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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