shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
