Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
