he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
