I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
