chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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