home. puking in laundry basket.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
