woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
