Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wear drunk well.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
