I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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