My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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