You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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