Just fell off a train. Bad.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
