yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
