Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
