at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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