weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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