I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
