I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
