I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize