Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
