Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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