If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
