'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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