It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
