Cold hands, warm shart.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just want to make out with him forever
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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