she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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