how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
