That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
this is an emotional support booty call
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
