woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm really busy with my period
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