She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
