u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
