you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize