I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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