You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
