what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
