Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
