I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
