quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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