I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize