I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
