I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
