eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
