I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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